Give Yourself an Inside-Out Love Makeover
I often find myself writing about self-love, simply because I know that that is the key to accomplishing absolutely anything we want in life. Self-love breeds confidence, and once we’re confident, the sky’s the limit! I think that we tend to overcomplicate things, or get “stuck in the muck” of what happened in the past.
Let’s really get down to the basics, if we love something we take care of it, right? For example, look at the way we love our children. We want them to achieve anything they desire. We nurture them, sign them up for all kinds of crazy sports teams, classes, mentorships … we want them to reach their goals, and if it’s within our power, we will help them. Why can’t we just do that for ourselves? Love ourselves so much, that we do whatever we need to do to be the person we want to be and live the life we want to live. Wow! Could all of our own answers really be found in a little self-love? I think so!
The problem with self-love is, although it sounds simple, a lot of women write me saying they just don’t know how to love themselves. Whether it be because of what’s happened to us throughout our lives, or that we just don’t like the reflection staring back at us in the mirror (no matter what self-help tricks we try), we as women, have a hard time with truly loving ourselves. I get it.
I know it’s not easy to always feel fantastic, especially when the media tells us we should be a size two, we should make homemade dinners every night, we should wrap our presents with pretty toppers, we should write daily to-do lists, we should be a super-woman! I know it’s easy to feel ‘less than’ when we compare ourselves to our past “remember when I was” self, our future “who I’d like to be” self, or the world around us “wish I could be” self, i.e. our neighbor “damn how can she wake up looking so fabulous?” next door. It’s hard to just be present and love the women we are meant to be in this moment. Okay, got it! Now, get over it! Read my last sentence, make it in the first person, and repeat it out loud, “I will be present and I love the woman I am meant to be in this moment.”
Here are three simple, practical, and totally fun tips to give yourself an Inside-Out Self-Love Makeover:
Realize why everyone around you thinks you’re pretty spectacular.
Make a list of your top ten qualities. They can be serious like you are a great listener, or silly, like you always call people back, you have neat penmanship, your cookies are always the first to sell out at the bake sale. Keep copies of it in your wallet, in your car, in your nightstand. Use it as a bookmark; make a magnet out of it! “Affirmations” have been around for years, for a reason- they work! Once you realize that you are pretty unique and special, it’s so much easier to start lovin‘ yourself!
Get passionate about something, anything!
When we are passionate about something, we don’t have time to worry about things that really don’t matter, and we just feel good about ourselves! We become more attractive to others, and more importantly, we become attractive to ourselves!! So, whether we set a goal and get passionate about achieving it, or we take up a hobby and make it a part of our lives, we need to fuel the fire inside of us!
A little lip gloss goes a long way.
All right, this is why makeover shows are so popular! In reality, if we take just a few minutes on the “outside” we feel better! If we take too many minutes (aka spend hours in the mirror) we can get caught up in that stuff and become overly-critical or dare I say “shallow”! So, stick to some basic grooming 101: tweeze the eyebrows, whiten the teeth, press your shirt, wear clothes that fit, accentuate your best features … heck you can even stop in a department store on a not-so-busy day and ask the make-up counter to give you a little crash course in make-up. Trust me—buy a lipstick and they’re glad to do it!
I know that self-love can feel “selfish” when we have so much to take care of in our lives. But, if we feel good, everything we do gets done better, our attitude and relationships improve! Think about it- won’t your co-workers love it when you are smiling on a Monday morning instead of hiding in the cubicle grunting? I think the kids will have a blast with a mom who laughs out loud, and exudes confidence when trying to raise confident children. The point is spend some well-deserved “you” time on a regular basis, and you’ll start to see that self-love is truly possible even when we’re busy, with lots going on, and lots of other people to love!
Simple Tips, Big Results: Releasing Fear & Letting Go
I know it’s hard to just let go of our fears, but by focusing on faith and hope instead of fear and despair, we open the door to all good things.
Remember, where there is faith, fear can not exist. Keep these 2 things in mind, and you’ll be sure to untangle yourself from the worry web:
* Relinquish Control
Being fearful is just another way we try to control our lives. It’s like our hair- if it’s curly, we work hard to make it straight, but one drop of humidity or rain and we realize we just can’t control everything. Life can be filled with so much more joy if we can even cut our worry in half. So, relinquish your fear and let go of all that negative energy. The happiness we feel when we are weightless is a catalyst for more happiness to be welcomed into our lives.
*Detach, Don’t Stress Over the Results
When we really want something, we tend to focus too hard on it. This means we get caught up in trying to figure out “how” to make it happen. We wait and anticipate results quickly, and if it doesn’t happen, we get discouraged. Remember, if we work too hard like a bull, we’ll surely ram into stuff. All of this creates stress and negativity, and the response is echoed back to us with more stress and negativity.
Instead, detach from the “how”. Instead of working hard, work smart by taking inspired action. The question is not “if”, it’s “when”. Be still, and listen. The steps will unfold perfectly as they should. Bumps become lessons, not blocks.
Take a little time to recognize the weight of your mind. What are you fearful of? worrying about? Acknowledge it, and then do a visual exercise to wave goodbye to your fears and worries. Sail them out to sea, put them on a bus, watch them float away, disintegrate in your minds eye. Practice presence- what is in front of you in this moment.Connect with now.
Remember the worry mantra: “In this moment, I have everything I need.”
3 Simple Steps To Become More Productive
Like most people you have more on your plate than you can handle. There so much you want to accomplish in any give day or week, and the prospect of what you would like to do over the course of your life feels absolutely daunting. Take into account there are so many things to distract you, everything from office gossip to TV binge watching, it’s no wonder you’re looking for ways to do more in less time. Distractions and detours will come up so it’s important to ensure the time you spend working is fruitful and productive.
To boost productivity so that you have real sustainable results use the 3Ps framework for getting things done: Plan, Produce, Party!
Plan: First step is to plan your schedule each week and book events and appointments in a daily calendar. Add specific work tasks to be completed by blocking out time to work on those tasks as if they were key appointments. Review your schedule and fill time to eat, exercise and doing nothing. You have to fuel your body in order to be productive and time to rest is a key component in that equation too.
Produce: Once your schedule for the week is in place it is time to produce and that means holding yourself accountable for getting things done. Set reminders on your watch, phone or computer to alert you when it’s time to eat, exercise and work. Tell other people about your schedule and ask them to check in your progress. Literally check off your daily itinerary as you complete the items you have planned. The love for the checkmark is fixated in your mind from your formative grade school years and you’ll be motivated to see all the things you’ve accomplished.
Party: Once everything on your list is complete, it’s time to party and that means celebrating your accomplishments in big and small ways. Create a range of low costs rewards you earn for yourself. That can be anything from treating yourself to a day in the park, spending time with friends, checking out a new movie, getting a manicure or cooking your favorite meal. Enjoy rewarding yourself because you’ve earned it.
About the Author: Tanea Flanders is a Life Coach & Leadership Development and Organizational Consultant and works as part of the Live Well / Stay Well Program at Tournesol Wellness.
Photo Credit: Flickr
Looking To Be More Resilient? 3 Easy Steps To Optimize Your Well-Being
I often find myself questioning why it is that people exposed to the same set of circumstances frequently have different health outcomes. When all variables seem equal, some people get sick and others don’t. What else is going on behind the scenes?
Take PTSD in US veterans as an example. Why do some who experienced a trauma develop PTSD and some do not? According to an article published by the National Institute of Mental Health, each person has risk and resilience factors that may help determine whether or not they will get PTSD. The report states that those with good coping strategies and a tight network of friends and family are most resilient.
Sebastian Junger agrees, exposing the lack of cohesive and supportive community systems as the top reason our veterans suffer such a high rate of PTSD in his recent Vanity Fair article.
The link between community involvement and our health and happiness is solid and supported by scientific evidence. Here are three surefire ways to boost your resiliency right now.
1. Invest in Strong Social Networks
The National Institutes of Health reports that people with strong social bonds are found to live healthier lives and have a lower risk of death.
2. Join a Community
Whether it is a spiritual, religious or other supportive community, National Institutes of Health research also suggests that a sense of belonging is good for your health.
3. Give Back
A recent New York Times article revealed that in the Greek island of Ikaria, where inhabitants live extremely long and healthy lives, a key component of their longevity is their practice of contributing to the wellbeing of the community.
Community is a key component of our wellbeing and of the Tournesol model for lasting health. Many of our community members report that outside toxic community environments are barriers to optimal wellbeing and that they struggle to find healthier communities. Tournesol Live Well and Stay Well Programs, classes, workshops and events all offer the opportunity to become involved with a great community.
About the Author : Carey Davidson is the founder of Tournesol Wellness Center in Manhattan. Tournesol is an integrative health center dedicated to the cultivation, design and delivery of high impact holistic interventions empowering people to realize their full potential. Stop by the center, say hello and find out more. We’d love to see you.
Top Photo: Flickr
STAY RADIANT WITH TOURNESOL
How will you stay vibrant inside and out all summer long?
Join 3 experts for an evening of beauty tools, style tips and healthy treats.
Wednesday June 17th 6-9pm
At the lovely relaxing Tournesol Wellness
26 East 36th Street in Manhattan
Meditation: Relax Your Mind In The East Village
Meditation is like an acceptable version of napping—it recharges you, clears your head, and helps you escape your daily stresses. The practice is the perfect way to unwind, silence a frantic mind, and cope with the downtown pace of life. How can you pass that up?
You feel the essence of who you really are when you are in stillness, says yogi Alan Finger of Ishta Yoga in the East Village. The static in your mind settles; and you can can see your life more clearly. Meditation removes your fears and anxieties while keeping you happy throughout your day for no reason at all. Sounds like the cornerstone of true bliss and cheaper than therapy.
After your silence ends, you’ll be surprised at how easily these new-found senses of stillness and calm stay with you during your bustling day. “While the effects of other stress-reducing techniques wear off,” says Ethan Nichtern, director of the NYC-based nonprofit Interdependence Project, “meditation teaches you how to remain peaceful in the midst of living in the city—not just escape it.”
If you have have trouble getting to a quiet personal space on your own like most New Yorkers, sign up to meditate with a group or guide. The goal is to get in at least 20 minutes of meditation daily.
Here are some popular meditation spots in the East Village:
Allan Finger Sessions at Ishta Yoga
56 East 11th Street
302 Bowery NY, NY
Classes Ana Fox @ Dance Forum NY
20 East 17th Street
19 Clinton Street, Suite 205
Ilana Donna Arazie is a blogger and vlogger based in NYC who chronicles stories about living your best life in a big city. Her stories have been featured on the Associated Press, Chicago-Sun Times, Yahoo, The Travel Channel and other media outlets. She is the founder of Downtown Dharma.com , a site that is a bit of Cosmo meets Deepak Chopra, offering deep yet fun insights into finding peace and meaning.
4 Tips To Stress Less & Smile More
OK, I’ll admit, this may be because “Annie” was my favorite movie as a child, but I’m of the opinion that you’re “never fully dressed without a smile”. This dawned on me when I was writing an Employee Handbook, and the subject of dress code came up. Of course, at work we should be neat and presentable, but shouldn’t we also be positive and happy? So, I threw in a line about smiling!
I tested my theory years ago on a client who was really unhappy at work. She came to me because she hated her job, and wanted to explore new possibilities. She didn’t know what she wanted to do, so she wasn’t exactly in the position to quit tomorrow. It could take months or years to tackle career change, but she was MISERABLE at work. She said her co-workers were nasty, and it was causing her a lot of stress. I suggested smiling more at work until she was ready to begin her new business venture. Why spend the next year miserable, right?
She thought I was nuts. “Smile, more? How can I smile when I hate it there?”
But, desperate to get out of her funk, she decided to take my advice. Within a few weeks, her attitude toward work had done a complete 180! Her work relationships improved, and she was also assigned a new project that she was really excited about.
Why does a simple smile matter? Well, to be honest, I started thinking about the “smile factor” again when I was writing this handbook, and realized that without fail, every time something was going well in my life, I was smiling. And every time something went awry, I was not. This is true for every aspect of our lives: work, relationships, wellness. You name it, and the “smile factor” plays a role.
For example, think about the dreaded word “diet”. Most people can’t say it and smile at the same time. As a matter of fact, most diets I’ve tried have failed simply because I hated being on them!! Wellness works for me because I enjoy living well without being bound by the “on” or “off” chains of dieting. And I smile more when I’m not running to the scale.
Follow these simple tips to get positive and you’ll soon see the power of a smile:
Check your “favorites”
The things we are drawn to are merely a reflection of what we’re thinking. If we’re drawn to negative things, perhaps it’s a sign we can’t ignore. Look at the people you gravitate to and the things you like to read, watch, do, listen to and take inventory. Do you spend most of your time surrounded by people/things that are positive? If your favorite television shows are filled with drama and sarcasm, or your favorite tunes are dragging you down, try switching the station. You’ll get amped up in no time!!
Thankful people are happy people. No matter what our situation is, we can always find something in it to be thankful for, right? Make your list and keep it in plain sight. Add to it when things pop up, and have fun with it! Be thankful for that perfect cup of morning coffee- I know I am, with 2 little kiddies running around!
Do Something Silly
When we take ourselves too seriously, we can end up in a rut. Often when I find myself moving toward a funk, I do something super-silly to get myself out of it. So, jump for joy, dance around the room, sing loud in your car, climb a tree! Just have fun with your life, and you’ll find your fun is contagious!
Say Nice Things
Some of us are “complimenters” by nature. If I see something I love, I automatically comment on it. But sometimes, we’re in such a rush or so self-absorbed we don’t even notice the people or things around us. Be more present and say nice things. If the cashier is wearing a great pair of earrings, tell her! If your neighbors planted new flowers, just by noticing you can make their day! If we get outside ourselves and say nice things to others, we automatically can lift our own spirits, too! And, to get super-positive, up the ante by doing nice things! Karma is amazing.
Spring Clean Up: Make Your Home A Haven
Your home should be your haven, your place of peace from the stress in the world around you. Here are 10 simple & fun ways to add some “soul sparkle” to your domain…
1. Choose décor colors carefully. Pick colors that are conducive to what you want your space to be. If you want a serene room, stray away from red! Red is an energizer and may even stimulate your appetite! Greens are calming colors, perfect for a spa-inspired setting. Or, if you want a cross between calm and amped up, choose a shade of blue.
2. Rid energy drainers: fill holes, fix a squeak, or replace bulbs and batteries for a clean, updated look, and you’ll feel so much better.
3. Circles mean harmony and unity, so make sure you have a circle (wreath) on your door or even inside your home.
4. Choose a meaningful mug or plate. Using something special to eat off or drink out of is a great way to savor the food or drink.
5. Connect with nature. Being outdoors, having lunch outside, or even if it’s just to sit on your porch and watch the birds for a few minutes while you sip your morning coffee, is a huge lift to an overburdened spirit.
6. Take the day “off” and lounge in sweats all day.
7. Get dressed to the nines for no reason.
8. Have a carpet picnic with your significant other. Pick out a nice blanket, fill up a picnic basket with goodies, pour some wine, and stay in for a fun night at home.
9. Clear out your closets, basements, and drawers to make your home as clutter-free as possible. Use boxes to separate yard sale finds, items to donate, things you can re-purpose, and the junk that hits the recyclable bins.
10. Make a picture and hang it in a beautiful frame. Homemade artwork rocks!
Bonus Soul Sparkler!! Once you’ve read a book, write a note in the cover about your thoughts on it, your favorite part, something personal. Create a book-giveaway basket, and every time someone enters your home have them pick a random book without looking inside- whatever they choose is the message he/she is supposed to receive.
Redesign Your Life
I was speaking with a client the other day, and she was overwhelmed. She said she comes home from work, and her mind is still racing with news headlines, work overload, and day-to-day tasks. Simply put, she could not relax. I’m sure you can relate!! I think every one of us, no matter what phase of life we are in, is busy with lots to do and lots on our minds! Whether working inside or outside of the home, with children or without, married, single, man, woman, busyness has become standard in the fast-paced, always connected world we’re in!
Believe it or not, busyness can be fun, too, if you learn to embrace it, and find your own sense of balance! Since we spend so much time at home, positive energy and balance can easily begin there, just by creating your ideal living space to fit your budget. Being positive will open the door to amazing things, so follow these simple tips to “redesign” your life!!
Set the Stage First things first, go through your surroundings and take inventory! Is there a room that you aren’t crazy about? wallpaper that’s screaming 2 decades ago? a light bulb that just doesn’t seem bright enough, or maybe a bit too bright? It doesn’t cost much to slap on a coat of paint, or replace bulbs and batteries for a fresh, updated look, and you’ll feel so much better! And, if design isn’t your thing, flip through a magazine to find a picture if a room you’ll love. Recreate the look yourself, and you’ll save tons!
Choose Colors Carefully Keep in mind colors affect us more than we think! Pick colors that are conducive to what you want your space to be. If you want a serene room, stray away from red! Red is an energizer and may even stimulate your appetite! Greens are calming colors, perfect for a spa-inspired setting. Or, if you want a cross between calm and amped up, choose a shade of blue!
Tackle Your To-Do List We all have mental to-do lists, but now’s the time to put it on paper and check it off! Make a list of the things that have been on your mind, like organizing a closet, filing cabinet, or drawer. Tackle the items one by one. Clearing clutter clears your head, too!
Store No More! Our closets, garages, and basements are havens for hidden treasures we may have written off too soon! You can go green and save green by refurbishing old furniture (it’s amazing what furniture treatment and new hardware can do!), using old clothes to cover pillows, pocketbooks, or accent your windows! Get creative, and you can design a whole new space with items you already own!
Organize to Organize If you’re trying to get organized, it may be overwhelming at first. Start simply by getting 3 bins together: “Use, Donate, Shred.”
Items in the “Use” bin should be put to use now! Donate unwanted items by picking an organization of your choice. Many even offer free same-day pick up services, as long as you pick up the phone to call them!! The only items we should be tossing are paper such as non-essential paperwork. Shred private information and recycle it!
Article By Jennifer Tuma-Young
Breathe Your Way Through Holiday Stress
With that long a holiday shopping list, I bet you’re wondering how you can ever fit in a few minutes of meditation. Amazingly, you can actually meditate with your eyes open and it will have the same benefits as an eyes closed meditation. And it’s as simple as breathing.
Try this mindful exercise the next time you’re standing in the line at the cash register, sitting in a holiday traffic jam, or chopping a zillion carrots in the kitchen:
- Breathe out all the way
- Now just let the in-breath flow in naturally.
- Breathe out all the way again; let the in-breath flow in naturally.
- Keep repeating this: actively breathing out, effortlessly breathing in.
- As you breathe in this way, pay attention to the movement of the breath in the body: the abdomen sinking in as you breathe out, the chest gently rising with the in-breath, the feel of the air as it passes through your nose.
- Notice how a sense of calm begins to take the edges off the rushed, harried, perhaps tense feeling you started with.
- Now allow a gentle smile across your face as you thank the cashier, or the driver who gave you the parking space, or the farmer who grew those carrots.
Top Photo: Flickr
Finding Peace Within The Storm
“Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm.”
I love this quote; it has meant so much in my life. A simple American Indian proverb that I have posted on my refrigerator serves as a way to keep me grounded during turbulent times. After all, life can not be free from turmoil at times. We are often tested, thrown curve balls – no one is without ups and downs. We are all different – our experiences, our journeys; yet we are all the same.
In a class I was teaching, I asked the ladies what the most common cause of stress is for each of them. One woman responded, “Stress comes from other people. People cause me stress.” She then went on to list the various things people have done that have caused her stress. All valid, all beyond her control simply because we cannot control what other people do. Another woman said “finances”, another “time”, another “expectations”, and the list went on.
Stress is hard to define, even the dictionary has more than 10 definitions for it. Yet, often we let ‘stress’ define us.
Case in point, what can you do if you have a child who is bulimic, a father who is an addict, a friend who doesn’t seem to care about you, a boss who keeps piling work on? Do you disown your family and friends, quit your job, and move to the nearest bubble? Hmmm…maybe you’ve felt like it, but obviously unrealistic, right?
Ok, so maybe the scenarios above are a little extreme. Let’s try this one: your husband lost his job, you are 2 months late on all your bills, your kids are in a million activities, and you have volunteered for one too many PTA fundraisers. You’re not going to move to an island and seclude yourself from the realities of life, right?
So, how does one stay inspired and calm during the roller coaster we call life? How can we just be at ‘peace within the storm’ as the American Indian proverb suggests?
Stillness must be practiced, regularly just like brushing our teeth. It is hard to quiet the mind with all that is flowing through it from past worries, future concerns, daily to-do lists. Find a space to just “be”, perhaps try sitting under a tree in your yard, kneeling by the window, sitting on your front step, soaking in a warm tub. There are no rules – find what feels peaceful to you. And remember, stillness includes listening. We may not know the answers, but sometimes when we listen, we hear the next step.
Be Open and Embrace
I’ve learned you have to detach yourself from the problems and embrace them in the moment as an integral part of your life. We usually think about the “lesson” after the problem has been resolved or enough time has passed to come to terms with it. Be open to the lesson. Show gratitude, and give yourself space for tears, venting, and acceptance. Be gentle with yourself and others.
Detach from letting the situation define you, connect to the world around you. For example, if the economy is personally affecting you (as it is millions of Americans right now), you can still have fun with your family, dance around the room, watch a great movie, laugh, say hi to a stranger. And, if a loved one is struggling with something – illness, personal issues, anything at all- spend time with him or her, read together, reminisce, create. Remember, each moment carries perfection and imperfection – both beautiful in their own right. Our circumstances should not stop us from loving life. It is a gift, after all.